Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
