Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
