u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
