I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
