Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
