so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
