So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
