what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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