Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
