I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can't turn off my feet"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
