You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
