So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
