I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
