The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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