Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i think my cat just said my name.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
