just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize