He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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