try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
