I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
