i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize