I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
