Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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