I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
