he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
