not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
