So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
