Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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