He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
