Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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