If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
