I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
