p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize