I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She told me I should be a condom model.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
