3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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