Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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