how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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