You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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