you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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