Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
