Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
