The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
