I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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