so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize