He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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