Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
