i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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