I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
