How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
People in love make me want to vomit
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
