masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
