maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize