you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
