"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
