We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
