Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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