you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
