Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
