He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
