Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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