You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
handjob tips. give me some.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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