two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish I only lived at night.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
