Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
