She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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