When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
