I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
