so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wish my penis had a tongue
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
