Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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