if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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