thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
