I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
