Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
