Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
